It all began as a normal day. A day in the office. The office was messy, so being a good little office-lady that I am I decided that I would clean it. However, the object that I chose to clean it with did not agree with me.

Everything seemed to be going well. It never crossed my mind that the object and I were not friends. Grabbing him by the neck, ever so caringly and lovingly, I pushed him along the ground as he sucked up contents off the floor. He seemed to like it. The machine purred in delight as the floor was becomming clearer and clearer.

However, suddenly... with no warning. Not even a WHISPER of warning. He stopped.

"Come on little sucker, keep going..." I urged my friend along.

Nothing.

Not a word.

He stared back at me, expressionless.

So I did only what I knew how... I picked him up, and looked at him face to face. It was at this said moment that he began to spit at me. Now, when I say spit.. I do not mean small droplets of water from one's mouth. What I mean by "spit" is, he vomitted upon me large balls of hair, carpet, paper, saw dust, and other objects that were found on the floor. A big cloud of smoke encircled me. I gasped. I choked.

I threw him back onto the ground and yelled, "YOU SUCK!". Perhaps it was my imagination but I am sure he replied back with a "Yes I know, that's what I'm made for."

Heaving and coughing heavily, I plonked myself down on the ground, looked at my lap and hands and face full of dust and dirt, and I realised that the office was now much messier than when I first began.

The vacuum cleaner is not to be messed with. He may appear innocent but deep down he has hidden agendas.