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Wednesday, November 21, 2007
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Stalker
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In about 30 minutes I'll be standing in a witness box at the magistrate courts. The past few months I have had a stalker. So today an intervention order is happening. I'm a little bit nervous. |
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posted by Samantha Louise
9:03 AM
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A stalker would be scary. I am sure you just kept going in your life for God.
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Happy new year, Samantha. I hope you're well. God bless you with all needed safety and protection both this year and in coming years, as well as peace and comfort.
"We'll be singing, 'Hallelujah!' We'll be singing, 'Hallelujah!', ...to Your glory: Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah..!"
*HUGS* x x x
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Hey Sam :) I hope you are well, whereever you may be. I wanted to encourage you, and thankyou for your friendship when you were around in blogosphere :)
Blessings Stephanie
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Wednesday, November 7, 2007
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Who cares?
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Man, it feels good to be home. I'm really missing this blog. I wish that I could write in it everyday. Each day is full of new possibilities, new adventures, new testimonies, new lessons- I'd love it if I could write about my days all the time.
I hate old testimonies. I mean, testimonies are great... but I hate living in the past. So to me, I feel it'd be a waste to share a story that happened two weeks ago. Bring on the new. I figure that as a Christian, if you aren't always learning and growing and seeing things take place, then... What are you doing? What's your walk with God like? I hate complacency and apathy. To many of you, you probably think I'm too hard on myself. Perhaps in a way I can be. But I just despise getting to a place where I'm not changing. That's when life becomes boring and mundane.
In my job I'm always facing new challenges. It kinda makes life away from work seem like a breeze. The things that used to weigh me down and stress me out no longer do. I guess once you have stood as a tall strong man screams in your face about how pathetic you are, you no longer care about tiny issues like 'who did the dishes and who didn't' or 'what she thinks about him who thinks about her bla bla bla' Who cares. It's pointless. Meaningless. Each day I'm given a reality check about life. Financial issues are no longer a concern. Why stress. Why worry. It says clearly in the Word that God will provide our needs such as food and clothing and shelter.
One day I was working with a man who was seeking a bed that night. He was so stressed. So so so so anxious. And ofcourse, why wouldn't you be, you're trying to get off the streets only to be tossed back into it again. I looked at him and said to him straight out, "I'm not a normal social worker. I pray before I do things." He was keen to pray, so I began to pray and I read to him Matthew 6 about not worrying. Two minutes after we finished praying the phone rings. A bed was available. Just like that. Why worry? Why stress? God has it under control.
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posted by Samantha Louise
4:47 PM
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Sam,
great to see you posting again. we worry about you when you get down and then don't post for a while. glad you are doing well.
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
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Kit-kat obsession.
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You'd think I'd be fat with all the Kit Kats that I eat. I guess you could say it's an obsession. Or maybe it's just an addiction, in that, if I don't consume my daily Kit-kat then I get the shakes.
And Diet-Coke. Yes, Diet-Coke is still on my list of priorities. I love to down a Kit-kat with that ice cold Diet-Coke running down my throat.
At least my addiction and obsession isn't heiroin. Or alcohol. Or any other drug, for that matter. Man, everyday I work with people who have allowed drugs and alcohol to rule their lives. I've seen how it affects them, I've seen how it kills them. Steals their joy. They become so dependent on them, that they forget all rules, forget all morals- they'd do anything they could for their next hit.
Often at a night time, I'd jump in my car and go for a prayer-drive. So many times I've found tears streaming down my face. I question God, "Why have you chosen me to work with these people?"
The cry of my heart is for God to release more faith. Because, I see these people with their problems, alot of them with mental health issues.. I see their lives. Bottom of society. No hope. The ones that everybody else has given up on. It's a temptation at times to just think... Well, I can't bebothered. Who cares? I want a nice easy life and deal with nice easy people.
But no. God has placed me here. And He has placed a passion and a cry in my heart. Even when I just don't have the energy to keep on going, He'll keep on pushing me. And He keeps showing me. He shows me who these people really are, who they were supposed to be before the demon of drugs took over. Or mental illness. He shows me His love for them, and He opens my eyes and allows me to see the life that they can live.
That's what keeps me going.
If they don't want to dream for themselves, I'll dream for them. I'll dream the dreams that God wants them to see. And I'll pray. Prayer is the key. How often have we seen social workers work with these people but see no true change? No true transformation. It's a circle.. it keeps going and going and going.
I'm tired of the circle. I'm tired of seeing no change. I'm not prepared to just work with a person for a length amount of time and to not see anything change in their lives... Sure, maybe they'll have housing and clothes. But how long will that last before their demons destroy their lives again?
Prayer is the key. Prayer is the answer. It's only Jesus who is going to break the circle.
So it's Jesus who I will bring to them.
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posted by Samantha Louise
12:53 PM
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I'm hoping you don't mind me asking, but what do you define as an addiction? I'm not trying to make this messier than it is, rather trying to get at the root of assumptions. I (and every other person I know) can't go without food ... so is that an addiction? Or is the addiction broken by fasting, knowing we don't depend on food for its emotional qualities, but on God? What qualifies something as an addiction?
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an addiction would be something that is not necessary for survival, but is desired so strongly that it exceeds the person's capacity to choose not have it.
Go Sam!
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Thursday, October 11, 2007
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Running.
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Today I woke up at 6:05am with the sun beaming through my window, warmly planting itself on my right cheek. For the first time in... forever.. I woke up feeling full of energy and life. After battling through for the past few months, not knowing if I was going to survive, I woke up feeling like today was a new day. So I rolled out of bed and decided to begin my new journey of a new life by running. I haven't ran in ages. In fact, I think today may have been a first. But I ran around my neighbourhood, through the parks, the trees. It was beautiful. Spring, I love it.
As I ran and felt my heart pounding through my chest, I could feel a weight drop off my shoulders. A weight that I have been carrying for too long. I felt joy surge through me. The Holy Spirit spoke to me, and it was a beautiful morning.
The past few months have not been in vain. I've been walking through a testing season, and having to take a look at myself. There was so much in my heart that I needed to change. It hurt. But God has been by my side all the way through it.
Tomorrow morning, I think I might go for a run again. |
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posted by Samantha Louise
8:42 AM
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Hey Samantha
I have been enjoying your posts and your walk. I completely empathise with your season of brokenness and being consumed by the fire. It burns. I look forward to seeing what he has birthed in you at this time come out on your blog pages :)
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Sam,
Welcome back! I have been worried about you, but had no way to check on you....glad you are ok.
How can I pray for you? What's been going on?? What can we do to help?
Your brother in Christ, Mike
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Yes, I agree with Mike. And since he was my pastor for many years when I lived in the USA and I guess as my supporting church even now - I know his questions are out of true concern. Ich auch. I am thankful that you are seeing the skies painted by our Lord once again. He holds tight to His children. blessings
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I really enjoy reading your posts, Sammy :) I am really glad you posted again. Hang in there. I feel that we go through stages, so that God can build us into the person He wants us to be for the next stage, and you just entered your next stage :)
I hope life brings you sunshine and butterflies and revelations and blessings!
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I found this and wanted to share: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Blessings your way, Sammy :)
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007
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Beauty of death.
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Death can be a beautiful thing. At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. The past week has been about laying things down that I've held close to my heart. Well, just one thing really.
Last night was the finalee (spelling?). I'm not going to say it was easy. I cried many tears, in front of people I wish would not see. It died. After all these years. It died. Something that I thought would last a lifetime. No, it died.
And it needed to die. Now I can move on and re-focus. It's time for a new season. Sometimes it takes death to walk into the new season.
Death hurts but it's beautiful. |
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posted by Samantha Louise
4:51 PM
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Oh ouch :( There is nothing that can be said that eases this sort of thing. But yes, it has a definite cold beauty. And then God grows the coldness warm
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I'm always reminded of the reality that a seed when planted in the ground must die before produces the plant that produces the fruit. May you snuggle into the wonderful warmth of the growing place called JESUS!
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Monday, September 10, 2007
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When the tears fall...
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I've had questions without answers I've known sorrow, I have known pain But there's one thing that I cling to You are faithful, Jesus You're true When hope is lost I call You Saviour When pain surrounds I call You Healer When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart In the lone hour of my sorrow Through the darkest night of my soul You surround me, You sustain me My defender for ever more When hope is lost I call You Saviour When pain surrounds I call You Healer When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart And I will praise You I will Praise You When the tears fall Still I will sing to You I will praise You Jesus praise You Through the suffering Still I will sing to You When hope is lost I call You Saviour When pain surrounds I call You Healer When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart I will praise You I will praise You When the tears fall Still I will sing to you I will praise You Jesus I will praise You Through the suffering Still I will sing to you When the laughter fails to comfort When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there When confusion is all around me And the darkness is my closest friend Still I'll praise You Jesus praise You
-Tim Hughes |
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posted by Samantha Louise
12:14 PM
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Thursday, August 30, 2007
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My Birthday tears
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On the eve of my birthday I spent it in my car crying. I was about to drive home and then all of a sudden I began to bawl. Not just bawl, but wail. It was groanings from deep inside of me. The tears just kept on coming. I sat in my car for about a hour before I was able to drive. It was the most heart wrenching cry I have ever had. But God released so much and I could feel His arms wrapped around me. My heart is breaking, but He is there restoring it. As I whimpered I prayed, "Why God? Please... take this from me... take this from me... don't let me walk through this... again... But God, HAVE YOU WAY. Do what YOU WANT. Don't do what I want. Do what YOU WANT. If you want me to walk in the fire, then I will, but PLEASE GOD, I need Your strength and grace to do so."
Besides that... today has been a wonderful day. God blessed me so much! And I couldn't think of any other way to spend my birthday than to hang with those who live on the streets. I'm still at work and don't finish until late tonight. There is an aboriginal boy who is wanting to see me tonight as we do street outreach. He told me that for my birthday I can become aboriginal like him.
Anyways, happy birthday to me!
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posted by Samantha Louise
5:00 PM
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That's awesome that you could become aboriginal - you have always wanted that!
Happy birthday Sam! Hope it was a great day and that you got heaps of massive presents, like havana's, hoodies and homeless people.
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Happy Birthday from Texas, Sam! Hope you have a great day. Whatever your trial God will walk with you. We are praying for you.
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Happy Birthday Sam! Miss hearing from you hun!!!
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Happy Birthday Warrior Princess!!!
I remember those crying times... they're no fun in the process, but boy are they awesome for the soul!
It's encouraging to see you continually growing. If there is a dam inside you, God won't let the water rush out until you're ready ;) And even then, he will put a barrier on the water, so you won't have to deal with more than you can handle at that time ;)
WooHoo Sammy! :)
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Awwww ^_^ Happy Birthday Sammy!!
I hope you ate lots of cake and have a great night :)
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A stalker would be scary. I am sure you just kept going in your life for God.