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Name: Samantha Louise
Home: Vancouver, Canada
About Me: The.Earth.Diet
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Thursday, March 22, 2007
Death and eternity..

Today I've been feeling sad.

Maybe it's because I've been exhausted and I'm also on the receiving end of the flu. I'm not sure. But I'm sad.
I have alot to be thankful for. Somebody found my USB, which means my essay has been retrieved. Praise God. Also, God has been providing me with alot of things lately- I will share at another point.

But I'm sad because I have been thinking alot lately. About eternity. When I think of eternity for myself I'm overwhelmed with joy and excitement. I know where I'm going. But then I start thinking of my friends and my family... and sadly, I know where they are going. I'm not sure what I would do if my parents were to suddenly die.
I was telling a friend today that I've had alot of people in my life pass away. The thought of what is happening to them right now makes me want to scream.

One of my cousins commited suicide a few years back. It wasn't easy. I remember the day I found out, I felt like a knife was plunged into my heart. My aunty found him hanging by a rope in his bedroom. He suffered from Skitzophrenia. I felt bad because I never bothered with him too much, he was one of those people that was hard to love. At christmas time we would be fighting over who didn't have to sit next to him. Because of his mental illness, he often wouldn't take showers.

As I'm writing this I have tears streaming down my face. Life is too short to have regrets, but do you want me to be honest? I have regrets. Yes, through these regrets I've learnt alot and grown alot. But, I do have regrets. I think it's so cliche when people give the nice happy answer to that "No I don't regret anything."
I regret not loving Simon, my cousin. I regret not visiting him more often. I regret never telling him about my faith.

What if what if what if?

Yesterday I witnessed a car accident. I was sitting in a cafe on my lunch break, and outside the window at the intersection I watched as a truck slammed head on into another car. The car span around, the front bonnet came off. It was the loudest sound. People in the cafe screamed. One of the men ran to the road to help out. I pulled out my mobile to call the ambulance but someone bet me to it. The windscreeen of the car was completely smashed. By the looks of it, we all thought that the man had died. We could see nobody for about 5 mins. The longest 5 mins ever. Eventually, by some miracle, the man stepped out of his car and was walking around.

But what if he didn't survive? What then?

What if what if what if???

Something is stirring in me. Something is shifting in my mindset and in my heart. Eternity is becoming more a reality to me. With that comes desperation. Desperation to see the ones I live with know Jesus too.
posted by Samantha Louise 10:41 PM  
  • At March 23, 2007 at 7:06:00 AM GMT+11, Blogger A Mutating Missionary said…

    I will be praying.

  • At March 23, 2007 at 10:59:00 AM GMT+11, Blogger Chris said…

    I heard someone preach once that sometimes it's not the person's own faith that saves them, but the faith and prayer of their family or friends that is their saving grace. The evidence he presented was the story of Jesus healing the guy on the mat. It was his friends who lowered him through the ceiling, their faith that brought him to the feet of Jesus.

    Just thought it might be of some encouragement :)

  • At March 24, 2007 at 6:53:00 PM GMT+11, Blogger Beth said…

    Can I encourage you to take a step back for a moment, and be blessed by the fact that God is working through you so much. He is moulding you, and teaching you, and blessing others through your life. These feelings that you are having are all part of the bigger picture.

    God sees your heart. Be moved into action by your feelings, but rest in the knowledge that God sees your heart.

  • At March 25, 2007 at 5:34:00 PM GMT+10, Anonymous Francis said…

    It's not just about eternity. It is also about the now. The man on the mat received healing "now". We have a relationship with God, and know His peace and restoration "now". People without that have a void in their life which if they are honest, is a torment "now". Now is a taste of eternity, and you can give them the taste now that you want them to experience fully for eternity.

  • At March 27, 2007 at 9:21:00 AM GMT+10, Blogger samantha louise said…

    Mutating mission- thanks for your prayers, it is appreciated :)

    Chris- Thanks for your encouragement Chris :) And I love that story too!

    Beth- Thanks so much beth. What you said means alot. You're right, I need to rest in God and not get all worried and anxious!

    Francis- Yes, it is about the now... but eternity is still a reality that people forget about.


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