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Name: Samantha Louise
Home: Vancouver, Canada
About Me: The.Earth.Diet
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Friday, March 23, 2007
Finding God.. part 1
The walls were caving in around me. My surroundings were weighing heavily upon my heart. As I layed on my back the thoughts that prevailed my mind suffocated me.
Death. Die. You're not worth it. Kill yourself. Die. Do it. Now.
I gripped at my clothes in anguish. On the floor next to me was a shoe, in frustration I fumbled for it and with all the strength I could muster I threw it at my wall. It hit the blue wall by my bed with a loud thud. My heart pounded loudly in my chest as I watched the abused shoe land on the floor.

Die. Death. Do it.

The thoughts continued. Eating at my brain, at my being. It was like cancer and it was unstoppable. I let out a whimper as I stared hopelessly at the roof of my room. Spread across my roof were glow-in-the dark stickers and I began to focus all my attention on the sticker of Earth.

"Who would create such a world only to allow us to hate it!" I wanted to shout.

What do I do to end this pain and this misery? How did I become such a pathetic 14-year-old girl living in such a hole of despair and darkness?

And as I felt my heart dying and my mind battling with thoughts of death, I looked at the roof and cried in agony.

"Samantha...." A voice said.

My mind stopped racing. As did my heart. Unclenching my fists I layed in silence to hear the sounds of my intruder.

"Who said that!?" Frantically I picked myself off the floor and whirled my head around to find the owner of the voice. Nobody was there.

"Don't be stupid! Tell me who you are!" With haste in my step I opened the door of my bedroom and looked up and down the hallway. It was empty.
In panic I began to race around the house checking every room to find who would speak my name with such authority. Yet gentleness. And stillness. Enough to calm my heart and my thoughts.

Eventually I stopped pacing, stopped running. With a fear and an awe that overwhelmed me I looked up and with a shakey voice I ask, "God... ? " I felt stupid. "Uh.. God... Was that you? Are you real?"


"Well... if you are God... maybe you could help me? Please... if you can hear me... Tell me if you are real?"

Somehow I knew that I was on the edge of something very important. Life changing. I just wasn't quite sure what...

Part 2
posted by Samantha Louise 2:43 PM  

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